My Newest Acquisition or; Fuck Tha Police!

Tonight, around 12:51 AM, on the long, cold walk from the place where I park my car back to my dorm, I stumbled upon something magnificent. To top off a wonderful night of GTA: Vice City, a late night trip to Buffalo Wild Wings, and much comradery, I found something that I had always wanted; a shopping cart.

That's right, be jealous of me. I found an un-manned shopping cart outside of my friend's apartment by the street. So, naturally I decided to appropriate it for my very own. Given that it is a bit of a trek back to my dorm room, my legs got tired and I began trying to ride it down small hills, so that I wouldn't have to walk. It was during one of these ill-fated attempts that my room mate and I were interrupted by the tell-tale flashing blue lights of the joke that is the Greensboro Police Department. Coincidentally I had just finished a lengthy tirade about how much I hate cops, and how useless they were for doing anything outside of trying to stop actual criminals.

Our brief exchange went something like this:

Officer Dickweed, upon stepping out of the car proceeded to strut up to us, as if we had done something wrong. It seemed that he had seen me trying to ride the cart, and thought "By-Golly! Lawbreakers!" and then seen fit to stop us. Now, I hate cops, but I tried to be as nice as possible given that I am an adult, and can go to man-jail for stupid crap like this. Here's how it went down.

Officer: I'm going to have to ask what you are doing? I saw you out here riding that cart up and down the street.
Me: Well, sir, my feet got sort of tired, because it's a long walk back to campus from here, so I tried to ride a little ways.
Officer:I see. You didn't steal that cart of Rugged Wearhouse did you?
Me: No, I found it on the side of the road near my friend's apartment.
Officer: Where at?
Me: Sherwood Court Apartments.
Officer: So you didn't steal it, and your legs just got tired?
Me: Yes.
Officer: Oh.

At one point, he noticed the box of Buffalo Wild Wings that I had sitting in the cart.

Officer: What's in the box?
(I just opened it, revealing five honey bbq chicken wings.)
Officer: oh.
Me: Yeah, we went to Buffalo Wild Wings tonight, and I didn't really want to carry the leftovers, and push the cart.
Officer: Where are you taking it?
Me: Back to my dorm. I've always kind of wanted a shopping cart of my own.
Officer: What are you going to do with it?
Me: Take it back to my dorm, and use it for storage purposes, we don't have anywhere to put our stuff.
Officer: And you didn't steal it from Rugged Wearhouse?
Me: Nope.
Officer: You have a good night.

It was obvious that he wanted to take the cart, but as I had pushed it for a long time, and long ways, he wasn't getting it. Also, he had real right to take it, as he didn't have any proof that we had done anything wrong. So, he had to fuck off and leave, shaking his head as he did so.

Me: 1
Greensboro Police Dept.:0

I win.

I would also like to comment on the investigative skill of that particular officer. He asked us three times if we stole it, which would have been ridiculous for two reasons.

1. Wendover Ave. , where Rugged Wearhouse is located, is a long FUCKING way from UNCG on foot.
2. The store had been closed for about 2 hours by this time. Did he think that I stole it, and then took it for a joyride, because I was so pumped about my skillful example of petty larceny? Honestly, nothing lights my fire quite like petty larceny.

Seriously though. That guy was a cock. I can't put it much more eloquently than that. He was a pulsating, veiny cock of a man, and I hate him for his poor judgement and his insta-boner for crimestopping.